improving disappointment

musings on being an additional statistic. Now that you know me, you should follow me, or you could get to know me, Ask me. Looking for something?

That’s what I love about these college guys, man. I get older and they stay the same age.
At 31, I became a Babe-y MagnetWhat the Hell is this about? If you’re above 26 and you’re a male, within the past year, you’ve taken me on a date or hit on me or tried to hit on me. Why? It’s like the more I tell you that I’m too old for you, the more you want to prove that you’re just as good as someone my age — or that you can convince someone MY age to spend time with you? I’m not sure. I thought 26 was bad, then I find out one is 25 and WILL BE 26… at the end of the year. Then another is already 26 and WAS a virgin. You’re in graduate school and I come to audition for your thesis short film and you’re 24 asking me to go to the movies and out for a drink afterwards. You’re 25 and you ask to come hang out — you’ll bring by some beer & we can watch TV — and you show up with cans of Bud Light or Coors *shudder*Now, you’ve been seated next to me for about 2 hours for the background shot we’re in on this film, you’re 22 and you’re messaging me the next day how you’ve never met anyone as smart, funny, beautiful and amazing as me and you want to spend time getting to know me better. Well of course you haven’t. YOU’RE TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD. Between the ages of 22 & 30, you have NO IDEA how much you’ll change. I don’t care how many of your friends and family tell you that you have an “old soul” or that you “act too mature for your age” or how you were “raised a true Southern Gentleman” I thought 26 was too young, shit — I thought 28 was too young, especially for men (no offense, it’s science that y’all mature slower than women, no big deal), but 22? Sorry, i can’t do it.
At least there’s an upside…They’re less “experienced” so pretty much anything I do is new and makes their eyes light up like Christmas morning. They’re used to high school & college girls, girls who’ve never been in long-term, committed relationships where they’ve had time to hone certain “skills” so they’re impressed a grateful for, well, damn near anything you do or suggest.Do I mind dating younger guys? Obviously not. Comparatively, the guys my age & older I’ve been dating are just as broke as they are but are much more aggressive and it’s much more pathetic when their parents send them money as opposed to when a 24 year old parent’s sends them money. And if I happen to come across someone my age or older who IS “successful” he ends up being a douche canoe who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. And no matter how physically attractive you are, that’s just ugly — unless of course you have a Black AmEx & you’re not afraid to use it.
Cougar in training…Do I mind these younger guys being interested in me? Not really. They’re more likely to be clean guys, without children or an ex-wife and haven’t yet been jaded by life, society, and worst of all — women. And damn, they’re in good shape. I don’t mind playing around for a little while longer. I still go on dates with guys “my age” I just end up uninterested and home alone. What girl doesn’t want to hear she’s the most interesting & beautiful person someone’s ever met??
Lay it on thick fellas, I’m all ears.

Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring - It means you stop trying to force others to.

Fuck buddies are overrated. They never stick to protocol… Or so I’ve HEARD. Being single is a double-edged sword. On one hand you have the freedom to tramp around town all you want, or not at all & just immerse yourself in your work & projects to fill the void of another person in your life. You have no one to answer to, you can do what you want, when you want & you don’t have to share the remote and can take over the entire bed if you want to. On the other, you’re (for the most part) alone, which is sometimes boring and even sometimes very lonely. There’s no one to turn & talk to, no one to kiss goodnight or reach over to in the middle of the night to put your hand on their chest & feel them breathe. No one to wake up next to & tell you you’re beautiful. No one to share intimacy with either. And sometimes that sucks. Enter the Fuck Buddy Without trying to sound like a stuck up bitch, there’s no good reason for me to have a fuck buddy. There are more than enough guys in my life that are relentless in their attempts to take me to lunch, dinner, a movie, out for a drink or even just walk our dogs together. But I have no interest in any of them. I’m still not completely ready to date, so I’m being SUPER picky about the guys i allow into my life. Most of the guys I am talking to right now have no idea they have absolutely no chance whatsoever… And no, I’m not leading them on — seriously, I’m too old and fed up with games. They’re nice guys, we chat on the sets of movies or on Facebook or texting and I always politely decline their advances, but they continue to pursue, and as long as they’re not overly aggressive, obsessive or rude, I’ll continue to talk to them. You never know, it’s been said the strongest relationships are those that start out as friendships. So with me not really ready to date, and the guys I WANT to date being COMPLETELY uninterested in even “poking” me back on FB, much less carrying on a dialogue, I’ve decided a Fuck Buddy is the way to go. So over the past few months I’ve learned a few things, and there’s most definitely a protocol & there always need to be clear rules laid out from the beginning. 1) No sleeping over: Once the sex is over, there’s usually the desire (at least for some women) to “cuddle” and that can lead to getting “attached” which then turns the “casual relationship” into a subconscious more-than-it-really-is type thing, and it gets ugly. 2) Keep conversations general & short: There’s no reason you can’t talk to the person, it’s natural to want to know about a person and that’s fine. Stick to “how was your day” or benign current events. Don’t get too personal, if you start to empathize or find out more about them, you might start to like them and if that’s not something you’re ready for then don’t do it. 3) Develop strict ground rules: Make rules based on your comfortability. Mine include things like, no “dates” or having more than a few drinks together (preferably at the house), no sleeping over, lights off, only one Buddy at a time with a minimum of a month before I take another one, condoms condoms condoms, CLEAN & CLEAR of STD’s, and you MUST be single. Even things are going badly or she’s out of town or “out of commission” for the week, I’m not a mistress and I do not break up relationships and refuse to be a part of infidelity. 4) Don’t fuck & fly without saying goodbye: Yes, this is casual. Yes, it’s for fun. No, you don’t want to overstay your welcome, but common courtesy still needs to be practiced. If you really have some place to be, make sure your Buddy is aware beforehand so they can expect you’ll be leaving as soon as your done. A peck on the cheek & “thanks babe, text you later” as you’re unlocking the front door isn’t cool unless you’ve already discussed the situation prior.
Breaking the rules; Dealing with consequences
I broke more than two of my rules the other day and now I’m in this pissed-off, depressed, self-loathing mode and there’s no reason to be because if I’d have stuck by my rules I’d be sleeping like a baby right now & not tossing & turning out of aggravation: I let him sleep over. Then I went out and had WAY too many drinks and ended up finding a small spot in the nightclub with a lock on the door & went at it. I’m not going to say it wasn’t insanely amazing, I couldn’t have been more happy. It. Was. A BLAST. I totally recommend it. We grabbed another drink, he saw some friends, asked if I wanted to meet them (also not a good idea, too involved) & walked off to chat with them, leaving me with another one of his friends who kept grabbing my ass & trying to grind on me & I had to keep moving & elbowing him away from me. My Buddy comes back, asks if I want another drink & I say no, let’s head home & keep the night going for a little longer. He says great, let me go close out the tab & he’ll be right back. So his friend & I head downstairs, we see him @ the bar, so we go sit on some couches & talk, waiting for him. The club is shutting down, there are a dozen or so patrons, and then the house lights come on… I look over at the bar & he’s gone. I figure he’s gone upstairs looking for me, so I figure he’ll be back down soon so I wait with his friend. 5 minutes. 10 minutes. Ok, I’ll text him. 15 minutes. 20. The bartenders are asking us to leave. I ask the friend he stuck me with who is STILL trying to unwelcomingly grope me where he is & I get told, “Oh, he probably left. He does that all the time. It’s kind of his M.O. with chicks. That’s kinda why he doesn’t ever have a girlfriend.” (He told me he was single bc he has 3 jobs — which he does.) I’m not believing this so I call. Straight to voicemail. Call again. Immediate voicemail. Another text. My phone stays silent. His friend says, again, “I’m telling you, he left. He’s drunk & he forgot about you. Come home with me.” Uhm, NO. I casually storm off to my car, pretending not to care on the outside, expecting my phone to ring ANY MINUTE. Nothing. I leave a very stern voicemail to call me back and explain himself. I’m not rude, I’m not obsessive — at this point I’m still giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe HE had to walk someone to their car. That it’s going to voicemail because his phone died & maybe he DID look for me & didn’t see me over on the couches because I didn’t say that’s where I would be, so he went to his car to use the charger and he’ll call me THEN. I just need to hang out in my car for a few minutes and wait. I don’t want to leave if he’s still trying to find ME. I try to nonchalantly explain that I’m fine if that’s all he was “up for” that night, but you don’t ditch someone you just shoved into a room in a nightclub to fuck & then run off. That he needs to call me back, VERY. SOON. This isn’t Jersey Shore and he DEFINITELY doesn’t have the body to be pulling that kind of shit off. Nor does he have the money or the “talent.” He gets one final text from me to redeem himself. Nothing.
The next day…
My phone rings around 12:30pm the next day & I missed it. There’s a voicemail. A mousy little voice leaves a message, “I just read through all of your texts and you seem upset.” (Ladies & Gentlemen, we have a MENSA candidate!) “I have NO IDEA what happened last night. I was so drunk, and my phone died. A friend grabbed me & told me I was too drunk to drive & the next thing I know I’m waking up on his living room floor & I plug in my phone & you’re furious with me. I didn’t mean to fuck you and run, I wasn’t ditching you, I just, well, forgot you were there & my friend didn’t know I had plans to be with you for the night so he just threw me in his car & I had no idea what happened. I told you I was really busy, I have two more events tonight & am about to head into a meeting so my phone will be off. Maybe we can talk about this later, but I understand if you never want to talk to me again.” And that would be correct. He got a good ass-chewing via text along with deletion from my phone & all of my Social Media connections. I ended it with, “while this arrangement was completely casual & I was completely aware of how busy your life was, I never meant our casual encounters to be a burden on you. Maybe you ARE too busy for even just a random Fuck Buddy since you don’t even have the time to say goodbye to the girl you fucked 20 minutes ago, and admittedly completely FORGOT ABOUT. I had no intention of developing any kind of relationship or emotional attachment, we’ve both got better things to do. This was supposed to be fun & spontaneous. Your fuck & fly was in bad form. Thanks for the free drinks.” Shortly thereafter, when his phone was supposedly “turned off for a meeting” he managed to squeeze in a Tweet that said, “Someone take away my wallet, my phone & all of my alcohol. No good has come from any of it.” A few girls responded to him agreeing and even noting, “What happened THIS TIME?” & “Shouldn’t you know this by now?” While his comment was non-specific, it’s apparent he does regularly regrettable things when he drinks that others have also experienced.Resolution?
Haven’t heard from him after my text response to his pathetic voicemail. Part of me wants to send another note asking if he has anything else to say. If he even cares enough to offer an actual phone call apology. But that’s ignorant, because if he DID care, he’d have done it by now. Although he’s a 26 year old guy so he probably doesn’t have a clue. The fact I’ve deleted him from my feeds and all of my Social Media, to him, means back off when it actually is more for my sanity to NOT have to see his posts and think about the night my moral standing had her back pinned on one wall while her feet were up & pressed against the opposite wall.Truthfully, this whole post makes me sounds like a raging skank and I get that; I’m not paiting myself in the best light. The worst part of it is, I’m not. This is only the second guy I’ve let into my life (well, uhm, the virgin doesn’t count… that wasn’t a fuck buddy, I actually really liked him and wanted to make something out of it. He’s on the list of those who won’t give me the time of day anymore, I’m told, because he’s embarrassed about what happened. Whatever. 26 year olds guys seem to be MY m.o. lately) in the past 11.5 months. I’ve had ONE Fuck Buddy for a year who has recently become unavailable, I stuck to my one-month-between rule, and this guy & I have been talking online for probably about the same amount of time. It just so happened things aligned, and a hook up occurred. It was fun, I didn’t see the harm in bending a few rules, so I went with it. Now I know why I have my rules. When I made the rules for myself, it was with the ONE Fuck Buddy I ever had and they’ve proven to be great rules and have worked very well. Considering the amount of people my age who date a lot, I’m still VERY far behind in the numbers game and if you think about it, it’s feasible that I’d have had two boyfriends in a year and would’ve slept with them both, and probably, at some point, done something very similar except we’d have gone home together. Would I be a skank THEN? Of course not. I’d fall into voyeuristic, adventurous, crazy — sure, but because this wasn’t more than something casual, I label myself a tramp, and that’s something a little more difficult to get past. I don’t give a fuck about him or if I ever see him, hear from him or run into him ever again. It’s myself I have to look at in the mirror every day and convince I’m not a bad person, it’s okay to have fun, I’m an adult and I made my decision and I pursued him. Move on, and for God’s sake, stick to my own damn rules!!!
Lesson learned!

So I deflowered a 26-year old guy, got drunk at 3pm on a Wednesday & rode a mechanical bull (& have the inner-thigh bruises to prove it)… How was your week?

Believe me, I was quite surprised myself. Not about getting drunk. A LITTLE about the bull. He seems totally normal. I was told a few days later what had gone on that I was completely unaware of that night, and honestly it freaked me out a little. What’s wrong with him? was my immediate thought. Super hot, check. Super nice, check. Polite, check. Smart, creative, funny - checks all around. So what’s the deal? “I just never got around to it.” ONE girlfriend in his entire life that lasted two months.
Now i’m not at all against virginity, or saving yourself for someone, especially if you have a good reason. And he has a good reason he filled me in on and I had an independent party corroborate his reasons and I’m satisfied with that. What sucks for me is not only does he not live close to me (over 200 miles, that was also information that would’ve been nice to know that night!) but that I like him a lot, and he’s so used to being on his own that talking to him to try & get to know him is really difficult. He’s either always working, or when we text, it doesn’t feel like I can ask him the things I want to know about him because it’s so impersonal.
But more questions arise — do I want to try to start a relationship with someone so far away? with someone who says he’s interested but then acts so aloof sometimes? with someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be in a relationship? I’m no Spring chicken and I’ve already told him, since he’s younger than me, that I’m looking for a life partner…
I know what to do… I just don’t want to do it. He’s sooooo good looking and he’s sooooo nice and I REALLY like the person he is — at least what I know about him so far. I’ve got plenty of guys here who want to date me, or at least take me out but in my own sadist mind I MUST take THE most difficult route. Why can’t I be happy with and enjoy the company of my guys friends here? I can’t even say I have high standards, because good grief, my history of guys reads like a horror novel. I know I’m a fascination to psychiatric societies everywhere. Either that or just another disorder cubby-hole they love to tuck you into as they take their notes, shake their heads and try to convince you this new pill will “fix it.”
Who knows what will happen. I’m already over-thinking this by just writing about it. I need to just let things happen and let go of control. I found something I want, it’s not coming to me in the appropriate amount of time I want it to, so I’m getting aggravated and starting to get impatient and pushy. That never works. I need to focus on job-hunting, making money, getting my clients to pay me and working. I need to do sit-ups and I need to walk my dog more. I need to drink less beer and stop spending money that I don’t have. This is the first time in my life I’m as independent as I am and I’m trying to figure out what to do with myself and my time. Doesn’t feel like it’s going well. I guess we’ll see. It also seems I have another question to ask any guy I meet & go out with next time.

If… the penultimate and the antecedent of all points of life. - Me

I am an overdramatic, much whinier, less-troubled Job

God will not give me more than I can handle.
You reap what you sow.
Live & let God.
Quit yer bitching.
Enough “advice” already, I can do bad all by myself.
Yes. Karma is getting me and I can only imagine the people who know & are basking in the glow of me shutting off lights & turn off the heat while layering clothes because I can’t afford my energy bill. I’m doing favors for my landlord because I can’t pay rent. I’m selling personal items. I’m isolating myself from people because all I do is bitch & complain about not having money & the piece of shit that put me in this spot.
No. I don’t have creative inspiration to get current work done. No. I don’t have motivation to get up & find MORE work than what’s on Craigslist. No. I can’t move on when every step I take is a literally PHYSICAL PAINful reminder of how I got where I am today. Some shithead crushed my foot, I lost my job, I have medical bills piled up & heading to collection agencies even though I’m being “responsible” & reminding them EVERY MONTH of my situation and to PLEASE defer the bill or give me a payment plan. It’s not like I’m the only one unemployed, I can’t be the only one asking for help. But I’m not stopping.
One trait I have if all others fail is that YOU. DO. NOT. WIN. EVER.
“You” can be inanimate, figurative or an actual person. I. ALWAYS. WIN. It may not be the first way I wanted to win, or even the fourth or fifth, but no matter what it is, no matter how long it takes, I’m patient. I’m a Scorpio. Revenge is a dish best served cold. I’d rather wait, because then “you” THINK you’ve won, “you” think I’ve given up & you think I’ve moved on but just wait… I don’t forget. Things will get better, and I won’t say anything. My life will improve and “you” won’t know nor will “you” be included. Then, at just the right time, you’ll find, out of nowhere I’ve completely left “you” & your pathetic existence in the dust & my email will pop up with a, “hey, how are you” message and I won’t even read it. I love delete buttons. They make losers like “you” disappear forever & the memories seem more like bad dreams. Just a series of blurs like “you” never occurred. Someday.
One word: Winning.

To begin a blog post with a complaint about family & the holidays would be so predictable.
I pretty much loathe one side of my family nearly every day of the year, but I only see them during the holidays. I loved them when I was younger, when I was the only grandchild & I didn’t know that we were the “poorest” members because they showered me with gifts.
The marriage of my parents wasn’t well-received by them at all. They didn’t even show up to the wedding. Not a brother, cousin or aunt in sight. I’ve done the math & I’ve seen the wedding license, I was legit, it wasn’t shotgun, it just wasn’t what they wanted so they dropped them from their lives.
Im not good at math, but it wasn’t long when I was a cell rapidly duplicating in utero, my destiny secured as the offspring of Black Sheep. I sprung forth as a Scorpio, to be raised by a disappointment & his beautiful, childish bride. Both too young to know what they’ve gotten themselves into, but intelligent enough to know they chose a much more difficult path.
Neither graduated from college. Or even went. They did what they had to do to give me what they could, which wasn’t much but infants don’t require more than love, shelter & food.
I’m not sure when they were accepted back into the family but by my Baptism, they were back in my parents’ lives. They were at least in the pictures.
I grew up & was, for all intents & purposes, loved by them. Given gifts, trips to the zoo, taken for ice cream…. Stuff that was fun for kids.
A few years of attention & I feel like the luckiest kid in town. My father’s siblings started graduating college, getting married & producing offspring. Then their college degrees got them better jobs, more money, nicer things, vacations, bigger houses, better schools & I still had some attention. My aunts & uncles would speak to me & even take the time to buy me a gift for Christmas or even send a card on my birthday.
Then my parents got divorced right before my 14th birthday.
That Christmas I received a pair of gloves from my grandparents, and the aunts & uncles gave cards with $5 each. My grandfather let me have a glass of wine & only one aunt actually had a conversation with me. One uncle got me a Barbie doll.
That Christmas made me the red-headed stepchild offspring of Black Sheep. I was beyond ignorable. My father & I didn’t have the funds to step up to the level of the costs of gifts everyone else had. I would watch my cousins open dozens of gifts from every family member; boxes and bags saying Saks, Bloomingdales, Macy’s & even Gap! I would walk past aunts quickly scribbling a check or digging in an uncle’s wallet for $10, because they weren’t sure if I’d “be here this year.” The uncle who previously got me a Barbie started giving me movie theater gift cards.
My cousins were opening Mignon Faget jewelry, Bloomingdales clothes & “hi-tech” toys & gadgets.
I opened socks from my grandparents.

After being unemployed for a few months, savings have been dwindling & no one is hiring for designers. Freelance work is few & far between here. After searching for weeks on Craigslist, I came across SO MANY casting calls, I knew it’d be better to do a job as an extra & getting out of the house would be good for me. The extra pocket money would be a good touch as well. There are over 100 films/tv shows, etc. being filmed in Louisiana JUST IN 2011. So I sent my email to the casting department of HBO’s series “Treme” & they selected me. It was a beautiful day & had a fantastic time. This episode will air on April 24, 2011 (Episode 5). That was it for me. I got “the acting bug.” A few hours of work, being fed & meeting friendly people, THIS IS FUN. I had my very first acting class with the top coach in the city. As for now, he’s a “luxury” that I can only afford after more paid gigs. He informed me of a TV pilot he was cast in & gave me the information to be an extra. I submitted my information & within hours I was called to be a crowd extra. A few hours later I was called back that they needed a stand in. Having never done stand in work in my life, but being told that the pay was higher, I immediately said yes. Like ya do… Thursday, February 24, I showed up early with bells on & ready to go. After aimlessly roaming around the area, I finally saw someone with a headset & asked what I was supposed to do & where I was supposed to go. They had already been filming for a few days, but this was their first day at their new location, so they were a little lost as well… I get sent to wardrobe for a “color cover,” which, when you stand in, you need to be wearing similar color to the actor your standing in for so everything is set up right. Basically, the “real” actors run a quick rehearsal for the Director, DP (Director of Photography) & cameras, a PA (Production Assistant) marks their spots. Stand ins are called “second team” & have to watch the rehearsal so they know how the actor is sitting, standing, walking, using props, etc. They let the actors out & call in second team. Ideally, they want stand ins that are the same height, weight, & possibly hair color & skin color. We’re there so the DP & Gaffer/grips/sound/cameraman can set up the lighting, set up the shot so the director, Assistant Director (AD), DP & others can see how the shot will look, if the colors are right, the lighting is correct, shadows are fixed & camera movements are tested. Once everyone is satisfied, we’re excused & “first team” who are the actors, will come in do the scene. Thankfully, the male stand in has been working as a stand in for YEARS so I’ve been getting incredible advice & information from him. The only “problem” with being a stand in, is that you have a viewing area where all of the producers, Director, AD, DP & anyone else who wants to see, can see you on their screens & the shots being set up. Thursday was a SCORCHER out on a huge blacktop & I was barely through my very first set up shot & I could feel the makeup pouring off my skin & my bangs getting all sweaty & stringy. Good stuff. I was amazed at how much I looked like the stand in. No one told me what to wear but we were pretty much the exact same outfit, pink strapless top (I wanted to get a little tan!) & a brown skirt. We had different shoes on but our hair was fixed the same as well. I didn’t realize as a stand in, you pretty much have to stay the entire time. 10, 12, 14 hours or more in case they need you for something else. By the end of the day, I was a hot mess, but they threw me into a scene anyway which was pretty cool. The humidity on Friday was miserable. I was VERY sunburned from the day before. My hair was frizzing before I even walked to the set. But by this day, I had spent over 12 hours in very close quarters with the same people already & it’s amazing how “close” you get to the crew on set so quickly. They were already treating me like I had been working with them for months. Joking around, MAJOR players in the film industry actually walking up to me, greeting me by name & even sitting with us at lunch. I made a great impression on them & had multiple PA’s, as well as the casting agency tell me how much they like me & hired me for the remainder of the shoot. That, in itself, is fantastic, but now it’s more about networking & making connections because once this project wraps, we’re all scrambling for new sets to get cast & hired onto & the more people you know and the better impression you make, the better your chances of seeing them on another set & possibly even being asked for to work on their new projects. Sunday, Feb 27 I worked on a rap music video for “experience” & free headshots & a copy of the video. Can’t wait to see how those turn out. It’s going to be ridiculous. Monday’s call time is 6:42am. It’s miserable humid but thankfully we have a good deal of interior shots which equals air conditioning. My hair is still frizzy & crazy (the makeup/hair department doesn’t take care of us!) but getting a RED HD Digital camera shoved in your face with a joker light above your head while hearing, “beautiful, that’s perfect, looks great, thanks second team” by the Director ,AD & DP gives you a little ego boost, lol. By the end of the day, being asked to come back for the remainder of filming even though I’m not a 6′ black man or Darrell Hammond was a really good feeling. Having multiple people on set telling you how much the Director, DP & producers love working with you & the casting agency calling you to say the same thing gives you a good feeling. Especially because it’s fun, you’re making money, you’re spending time with so many interesting people & you’re getting “free” lessons in filmmaking & even acting. Today the weather was AMAZING & while I was done with standing in at 9:45am, I didn’t get released until 8pm because “you never know” & they’d rather keep you on set than send you home & something happens & they need you again & you’ve left. I’ve been getting some pretty good sunshine as well! 5 other stand ins were there today & things were slow for us, but we all sat together, trading stories, running to “crafty” (craft services), & just hanging out in BEAUTIFUL weather with a bunch of really fun people. I’m cast as the lead female stand in for the remainder of the shoot. Right now, the goal is to get onto a few more sets, get to know people better & hopefully get thrown a few lines in a scene here & there to become both SAG eligible & to have enough footage for a demo reel so an agent can start searching for actual roles & not just extra/stand in work. Hey, the first day I was there I got a bump into a scene as one of the featured actor’s girlfriend… It’s not COMPLETELY beyond the realm of possibility. The best part about it is that they have said I look great on camera, & no one knows my age, but those who have asked have guessed 24-25, so I’m much better off than I tonight I was when it came to age range. It opens the doors to more possible roles by having such a wide age range based on hair, makeup & wardrobe. I love, love, love this & cannot wait to do more. Cross your fingers & say your prayers that I have more work coming my way because: A) I need the money & B) This is so much fun. It’s exhausting work & I’m asleep before my head hits the pillow, but it’s a lot of fun.

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